On being 25, feeling both old and young

Hello all. I know it has been awhile since my last posting. I returned from Corsica and life hit like a monsoon (I have learned, in my fledgling adult years, that stress, when it comes, often comes in buckets). And, as anyone who has ever tried to keep one of these silly blog things knows, when life attacks, online writing is generally the first to go.

Speaking of "fledgling adult years" - I have been more than three years on my own now, and still I am so overwhelmed with questions. Questions, questions, everyday more questions, every minute more questions. What do I want to eat today? Or, more importantly (though less often asked) what can I afford to eat today? Should I wear the green shoes or the pink shoes? Where on EARTH did I lock my bike? Am I forgetting something?  Aren't I due for my next dentist appointment? OH SHOOT it was last week - will they let me reschedule?

And that's just the easy stuff. We haven't even gotten to:

Did I do my taxes right? Wait, wasn't there a student loan payment due at some point? Is [such-and-such friend] doing okay? Am I being supportive enough of [such-and-such friend] as s/he struggles with [such-and-such problem]? Do I want to be in a relationship right now?! Am I on the right career path?! Oh god, I am of childbearing age?!?!?!

And then the little questions start to bleed into the big questions, and the big questions infiltrate the little questions, and I want to grab that 40-something woman next to me on the subway and scream "How have you not yet been crushed by the weight of life?!" (I must say: no wonder so many of us 20-somethings find refuge in the warm and fuzzy embrace of our beer jackets [or, take your pick: vodka coats, rum mittens, wine scarves, margarita balaclavas?])

In celebration of his 25th birthday, my friend Raoul was sent a rack of ribs (fedexed, overnight, on dry ice) from his uncle, and early one Saturday afternoon a few of us gathered at his house to enjoy a nice barbeque lunch. And while the meal-time conversation was decidedly "adult" (no, not in that way you perv) - centering on such issues as "who's ready for marriage?" and "what are you favorite kitchen appliances?" - somehow we afterwards all gathered in the bedroom, where we spent a long afternoon lazing on the bed, playing silly games on an ipad, and giggling like little girls.

Amid the hailstorm of Big and Little Questions, it was nice to spend a few hours feeling like a kid again.